I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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