do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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