I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
