Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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