I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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