4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
