I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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