Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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