Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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