I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
