I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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