just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
