Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
