If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
