I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
