I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
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Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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