Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
