Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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