what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
These tits shall not be calmed
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