Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar