My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.