It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
