Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame

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  (734): But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame<div>(734): Superlame</div> http://tfl.nu/901l
  Replies (28) Good night (2142) Bad night (5038)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (4983) Bad night (521)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.

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  (630): just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description. http://tfl.nu/30ew
  Replies (13) Good night (564) Bad night (2475)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  those are such fre$h shoes

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign

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  (508): those are such fre$h shoes (1-508): going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign http://tfl.nu/bk8p
  Replies (29) Good night (1366) Bad night (3722)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
  Replies (43) Good night (1311) Bad night (9749)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good

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  (609): just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good http://tfl.nu/q5pn
  Replies (15) Good night (1376) Bad night (5043)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?

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  (913): so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame? http://tfl.nu/lhf6
  Replies (16) Good night (3141) Bad night (1202)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

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  (732): I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach. http://tfl.nu/2w13
  Replies (8) Good night (2549) Bad night (596)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night

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  (615): No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night http://tfl.nu/p85n
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (696)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great

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  (435): And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great http://tfl.nu/18wk
  Replies (0) Good night (763) Bad night (453)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!

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  (908): Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas! http://tfl.nu/asvm
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (277)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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  (912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (337)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Thats alot of pressure.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.

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  (813): Thats alot of pressure. (1-813): Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house. http://tfl.nu/tdoy
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (312)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job

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  (778): I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job http://tfl.nu/qp1e
  Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (241)
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  (714): View more from California

  He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.

  (1-714): View more from California

  That is my stoner wet dream!

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  (714): He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream. (1-714): That is my stoner wet dream! http://tfl.nu/uw2k
  Replies (3) Good night (927) Bad night (181)

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