I didn't shave. On purpose
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no