phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol