O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
