What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
