I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
