Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
