Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
