I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
