So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
two words: eviction party
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
