I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
