Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So here I am, sexting at work.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
