You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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