Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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