he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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