oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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