I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
