tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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