Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
