Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
