I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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