she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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