I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
