So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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