operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
