I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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