Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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