even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
