yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
