ugly people sure do ruin things
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
