remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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