I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
