No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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