Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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