Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
