if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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