Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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