I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Welp...herpes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
