I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
