I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came so hard my ears popped.
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