Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im holly from the hills drunk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
