i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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