it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize