So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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