Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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