Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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