I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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