He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
