PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
