You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
