hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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