I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
