I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
