So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
